Recharging station needed

The other night, I was trying to explain my lack of energy to my son. I couldn't. This hyper-active energized mom was kaput.

And so was my phone.

Metaphorically, my batteries needed to be recharged. And I didn't have the energy to recharge them.

Let's say every day, every "regular" person starts with a 100% charge on their "cell" battery. We recharge (heal) at night when we are sleeping. We can recharge at different times, at different places (charging stations). We can plug in almost anytime and recharge. Many take their charging stations with them - a portable recharger, a car charger. But, a cancer patient (or someone with another illness,) cannot recharge at all during the day.

Having cancer is like starting days with an 80% charge. I'm already down a bit before I start. And remember, no charging station is in sight - no charge can be had - until the next morning. If it is a chemo day, Tuesday, I have plenty of energy - nervous/anxious type - that morning - granting an "overcharged battery" - pushed beyond capacity. But as soon as the Taxol hits, I experience a rapid drain, an almost instant 0% battery - and there is no way to recharge. Total depletion. You can see it in my demeanor, inability to cognate logically, the number of malapropisms that find their way out of my mouth, and the way I shuffle instead of walk.

But Wednesdays, due to the supercharging of Dexamethasone (steroid), I'm charged at 100%. Yay! I can go to the gym, do a bunch of chores. I feel normal! Alive! My energy doesn't seem to deplete. I look at the battery level and it's STILL good! Amazing! I run errands, see friends! The problem with this is the battery runs all night as Dex makes it difficult to sleep.

On Thursdays, I start with a 60% charge. Why? Immune system tanking, Dex is leaving the body, and well, Dex kept me from sleeping last night. I have to decide what to do because EVERYTHING sucks up major battery today.

I decide to work on editing -it's passive, right? 50% But I can't focus well. So, I decide to vacuum. 40%

And do some laundry. 30% Grocery store - I need almond milk. And eggs. 20%

Home again. Make a protein shake, clean up. 15%

Back to editing.

Give the dog water.

Darn! 10% left!

No recharging today. When the charge is gone, I'm done.

And today is the day my immune system tanks the most. Fist bumps.

On Fridays, I begin again with 80% battery life

I wake up, take a shower, get dressed - 75%

I scramble some eggs - half a piece of toast - clean up. 70%

I decide to empty then refill the dishwasher 60%.

It is only 8 am.

Do I go to the gym? I feel okay. I should go. Work out. Retain muscle. This is a major undertaking as I KNOW I'll use most of my cell energy. One hour later, I"m down to 10% Working out takes a lot out of me. But it is worth it in the physical and psychological boost it offers.

It's only 10am.

I'm almost done for the day - must reserve battery - in case of emergency.

Saturday - 80% battery life I must watch closely...if I have too many "apps" open, I'll drain too rapidly.

I've found that any aerobic activity will suck the life out of the (cell) battery extra fast.

So this, I avoid.

I decide to do some bicep and back work. 60%

Work on computer 50% Run errands 40%

Clean kitchen 30%

Reserve the battery. We might go out tonight.

Or have friends over.

Can't. be. too. tired.

Sunday - 80% battery life

I get to take photos!

Wake up, take a shower, get dressed. 75%

Eat something, clean up. 70%

Gather photo gear, check list. 65%

Load gear into car 60%

Set up at shoot - - if Zane is helping me, no depletion.

Shoot. 50%

Repack, return home, unload. 40%

Edit photos 30%.

Do I dare do something else?

This is how the weeks seem to go.

EVERY little thing I do sucks up battery.

I must decide what to use the battery for early on in the day.

There are no recharging stations anywhere.

I've learned how to conserve.

I shut the extra "apps" off - those little things you could do - but they take up energy.

I know I can generally plan on one "big" event and two smaller ones most days.

And a big event is working out or cleaning the house -something that takes an hour.

I take precedence over the house. A small event is gathering recycling and taking it to the bin. Folding laundry and putting it away.

Or writing this blog.

And then, I'm done.

Toasted.

Depleted.

No recharging.

Fini.

Zapped.

Powering down.

Off.

#energy #depletion #cancersucks #cancer #huntsmancancer #cancerblog #breastcancer