"I don't know what to do..."
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2 min read
In the past several months, I've had more men contact me regarding breast cancer than women. Men who care so deeply for their wives or girlfriends, searching for the answers to questions for clarity and a deeper understanding. Men who were concerned about surgery, chemo, radiation. Men who were concerned about what they can do to ease the pain, the stress, the fatigue. Men who wanted to show their spouses they loved them, because sometimes, words just aren't enough.
"I don't know what to do..."
"How will I tell our child...?" "What will she need during chemo?" "Does chemo hurt? Will she get sick?"
"What happens after surgery?"
"What is a port? Should she get one?"
"Should she have a lumpectomy or mastectomy?"
"How long will she be miserable for?"
And the list goes on.
"What does "hormone positive" mean?" "What is this drug...?" "Do you think she should..."
I am not a doctor. Or a nurse. I can only offer info from my point of view and from my research. We all have tough decisions to make, and when we are weighing two tough choices, we often veer to the side of ease. But with cancer, we must look toward the future and choose what is ultimately going to offer the best odds and the best life.
When in doubt of a care protocol, ask another oncologist - you have the right to a second opinion. Don't like the doctor? Change. I did. Get a therapist. For all of you. This is not a "one person" disease. It is affecting your entire family. Notify counseling at your child's school. Notify the teachers - because counseling will not and cannot, and the teachers need to watch your child a bit more closely, and with understanding of why she won't raise her hand, isn't doing her school work, her grades are slipping, and it appears that she has been crying..."
So, dear husbands, and boyfriends... Go with her to appointments. Be with her during chemo. Ask the questions she doesn't, because she can't, her fear is too big and too real. Bring her tea, and make her feel comfortable. Rub her feet or take her for a pedicure. Go for walks. See a mindless movie. Use the internet and search on NIH, Cochrane, FDA, ask your pharmacist. Search other countries. Write your questions down and take them to the doctors.
And contact someone who might be able to guide you when your whole world has turned upside down.
I'll be happy to try to help...
Deb
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